clearly, i don’t post on here much anymore

so, updates:

i graduated summa cum laude, somehow, and won a bunch of money

i sort of quasi-sometimes-70% quit smoking

i put everything i own into a storage unit with C’s stuff, so technically we’re homeless together

i came to germany, and C also came to germany, he was going to stay in berlin 1 month, i was going to stay in leipzig 4 months

for a number of reasons i decided to leave early and go to new york to do a residency there, in brooklyn, kind of creepy close to where CLR (brooklyn boi) lives…

i have no idea what i’m doing and very vague/nonexistent job prospects

i’m going back to st. louis in october because i feel at home there, it is my community and my people, and also because love. because i am daft stupid in love, it’s vile and unbelievable. C and i were fighting like animals for a while but at some point it stopped, and i have never had something like this with a person i loved, (i have no words that aren’t cliche and yucky), i have never felt so safe and cared for but also challenged by a person whom i also respect as intelligent and sophisticated and ambitious, and who fucks me how i want it, and listens to me and sometimes we fight but we are growing together, and i honestly cannot wait for us to share a home and this time around i have no reservations, this happiness is bewildering